littlesilvertip

Well, the old tree was in better condition than I thought. I burned through some gnosis taking it back into shape with my gifts. The cave didn't survive - it collapsed without the earth spirit to watch it. Damn. Well, I didn't need it anyhow. This is just meant to be temporary until I can go back home. Though, again, I suspect it might be a long hunt...

I've spent about two weeks trying to find whatever it is I'm meant to find. I'm beginning to think that I arrived before whatever 'evil' I'm supposed to be duty-bound to bring about the destruction of. Did I leave my family too soon? Impossible to tell, and useless to dwell on. I spent time catching up with Tail-Eater... he's apparently spent so much time as a Cougar that I wonder if he's starting to lose the man. He suggested that for non-shapechangers, there is no balance between the human and the wolf... or in his case, the cougar and the man. I think that might be true. If so, I'd rather have him as the man than as the cat. Maybe that's just me biased against cougars, though.

Tigers are better anyhow. If you're going to be a cat, why not be a tiger?

I reconnected with Neryarta. He's looking bigger than when I left him. He was concerned about the brown bear that was corrupted, but didn't have any insight otherwise. It was good to see him again. Next time I'm going to ask him to come with me up north. We could do some great work up north together...

When I ran out of leads in the bawn - which happened pretty quickly - and went to the scab to inquire with the spirits around there. Not my strength, really, but I had to try. I met some Glass Elementals holding a grudge for destroying the tainted elemental years ago. Damn, I barely remembered that. After negotiations broke down, Strange-Brew came, and asked me a hundred questions. I don't mind answering most of them - telling him where I've been, battles I've been waging, my starting a family... to be honest, I barely remember Strange-Brew, but he remembers me. I guess that happens with rank: more people recognize you than you recognize them.

I woke up so late that as soon as I did, I realized I was late for my meeting with Ila. I barely had time to eat anything before I was trotting up to get the bone, and running downhill to meet her along the road.
( Running late for a meeting with Ila )

This book is great. Useful. Interesting. And… I’m rapidly beginning to suspect, won’t help me change at all. "Bodily functions" is a very literal thing. If I wanted to slow down my metabolism, or increase my fertility, there’s some interesting ideas here. I’m taxing my knowledge of medicine, from all that the kinfolk taught all those years back, with some of the things here - others seem more mystical in nature, and not really corresponding to any parts of living things that you can cut out. It talks about males and females, their parts, their differences, but so far, I see nothing that would help me with going from one to the other.

( Turtle points out how lonely Silvertip is )

We talked for a bit more, but I wasn’t in the mood anymore. Instead, we pulled out some things to fish with, and kept fishing until it was time to check on Ila. That cheered me up some. Ila made it out, so I came back to the lake and resumed reading the book.

( Samantha intrudes on an Uktena in a foul mood )

( ... and to top it off, getting chided by a bear )

If I'm going to help Fells-the-Wyrm, I'm going to need help. Spirit help. Neryarta is, as always, going to be willing to bring succor (we'll see if he feels that way when he finds out she's part of the tribe that killed off the bear people), but I'll need mystical help. Time to go to the totem to start hunting down spirits that can help me understand the magic she's under.

The last two days I’ve been up so late that I’m already sleeping like I am spending all night in the Umbra. Things are starting to get itchy again, like I’m spending too much time as an ape, but four legs is not the right number for studying and reading and learning these sorts of things, and I’m not going to sit around in war form when I don’t have to. The more I’ve been studying, the more I’m sure that I need a new place to do it, that isn’t a trek all the way over to that mountain to do so. I already have a place in mind; time to start, already.

This was an opportunity to go be with Humps-Everythi… no, calling him that isn’t fair. He’s not out to mount me, I know. And… ever since we killed the banes in my chimerae, it’s been easier to feel that way, too. Feel less nervous about everyone, not just him. Feel more… comfortable. Earth-Whisperer was a good packmate, and I’d resolved to have him as one again, like we intended to before.
( Making some amends with an old packmate, and making a new cave )

( Getting EW in the pack. )

Apparently he killed a mage and took this book a while back. He gave me directions, and I went and got it out of the plastic container he left it in.

Holy Grandmother of us all. Is this a…

Oh. No way I can let this be taken by Sapphire.

The more I read this book, the more I’m convinced the author is possibly insane. They can’t keep a thread of thought for even a whole page, before jumping to another topic. They repeat themselves at random times. They fail to mention key concepts (I’m guessing? Half the book is unreadably damaged). They also make some very bold claims in here, about the nature of time, and the transmutation of energy. Whether they’re an idiot and insane, or brilliant and insane is unclear. Possibly both.

Reading, chores, and hunting take up most of my time the last three days, and my spare time has been filled by looking for magic sites, ‘tass’ (can I even identify it?), or trying to find a friendly mountain goat spirit. I’m starting to wonder if I’ve found something I can’t do, if I want to keep the old ways. This frustrates me greatly.

( Meeting with a moody Esther, and having a light brawl (Which I won, of course) )

I did some more reading, before heading over to the caern to clear my head, and meditate on what I’d learned. By the time I finished, it was getting pretty late, and I didn’t head into the spirit lands.

Memory’s been feeding Neryarta.

Now I have a brown bear lecturing me on forgiveness. Great.
( A week of being a wolf, mixed with studies )

( Great. Bear-Butt is lecutring me again. )

I spent a bit trying to decide what to do about Memory, coming to no conclusion. It wouldn’t hurt to have an outside opinion, so I went to go bother the one other person knowledgable about it.

( Talking to Nick about Val, Spirits, and more )

I also don’t regret doing it. It’s a damn mess. I guess my biggest problem is I feel like I can’t trust her with secrets, or trust her to keep from prying. What’s that leave left?

Tail-Eater has a trick for restoring the unreadable portions of the book, but he's busy with other preparations at the moment. I'm going to keep the book until he has time to help, and give what I can a second read.

( Samantha disrespects my teaching. )

Privately, I wonder if taking her into the pack was a mistake. Hummingbird and Untangler had a thirst for knowledge; Unfinished Business seems entirely uninterested.

I think both her and my cousin need a positive role model, to help change how they think about knowledge, learning, and how to treat kin. Maybe I should invite Mounts-Everything...

Not that he'd help them think of kin differently.

A few days on all fours is what I needed. My skin was starting to get itchy, anyhow. My head is still a mess in lupus, too, but it’s getting better. The nightmares are still there. I spent the day laying around, resting, and hunted at dawn and dusk with my the other two. Nothing major to run down - everything stood their ground. I also did a little wandering, looking for territory. I’m tempted to run the Talons off theirs. They don’t know what they’re sitting on, really… I say ‘they,’ but I mean Humps-Everything. A territory for a tribe of one.

Early Saturday morning, while I was tending to my other spirit helpers, Neryarta came to me with a message. Apparently the ‘Jedi said my stolen dream was found and dealt with.’ Neryarta isn’t the best messenger - it smelled like he stopped to get fish on the way, and go peek through the gauntlet in a few places to check on his earthly children. I’ll have to remember to suggest that the ‘Jedi’ use slightly more… active spirits in the future.

I was too tired to head over right then, so I slept for a bit. When I woke up, I decided he might be a bit worried if I came to visit him on the full moon. I rolled up some wolf’s beard and marijuana and awakened it before I headed over. While I was getting the herbs, I realized I could probably get rid of my wyld tainted things that too dangerous to keep around and give the mage something for his efforts at the same time. I thought 'I have no use for something that might cause me to change even more, uncontrolably.' And I had no desires to continue my earlier experiments with it; I'm leaving wyld-working to the foolmoons in my tribe, and the insane Black Furies. I took half of the ‘bramblefruit’ (as the wyrmcomers called it) in my poke, smoked the awakened herbs for a bit, and then headed on down to meet Tail-Eater.

This was a huge mistake.

( Because talking to someone while high is a great idea, and leads to sound decisions )

It took me a while to come down, and I spent the time meditating in the caern to replenish some of my spiritual strength. And that’s about when I realized I’d been an utter mooncalf. I should have just gone sober, and promised him to leave if my rage began to come up enough to put him in danger (which it rarely does naturally, anymore). I hurried back to record what I could remember on paper before it slipped from my mind, but I’m positive I’ve forgotten a lot. I was in the process of putting down my first impressions of the talisman (I’m pretty sure it doesn’t look like I remember it), when I suddenly realized the gravity of what he said about the fruit. I spent a while investigating what I had left, this time going to my notes on the time Tail-Eater showed me the lightsaber. Now I knew what I was looking for and at, the parallels were obvious. Here, all this time, I’ve been coveting tass… and I’ve been sitting on a small pile of it. I just gave away a massive amount of tass.

I’ve just been a very special kind of mooncalf. If he asks, I’m going to say I was feeling very generous, and like him that much.

I didn’t have a nightmare last night. That’s… odd. Two nights in a row. Instead, I dreamed about Uktenas, and pools of water. That’s very promising.

( Totem Quest for Uktena )


( Esther's attitude towards learning needs improved )


( Sorting through my junk, and coming to a decision about Esther; trying out Jordan's things. )