Welcome to the inside of my head.
Tuesday, 22 April 2014 23:00![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
littlesilvertipThe nightmares were the worst I had them so far. I woke up in a near frenzy, and couldn’t get back to sleep again. I can’t stand this anymore. It’s not healthy. It’s not… right.
Karuvar. Yes, he’s attractive. But could he force me into anything? No. I could kill him where he stood. He can breath fire, but so what? I can bend fire to my will. And Tail-Eater is afraid of me, because at any moment, I could suddenly become strong enough to punch through his walls like paper. Yes, there’s probably some… males out there who want to do things, but I’m fourth ranked for Grandmother’s sake. The tiger is not even in the top half of the list of the scariest things I’ve seen.
My chimerae needs cleared. It’s causing me so many sleepless nights, and so much stress, that it’s keeping me from getting things done, or keeping me from doing them as well as they should be done. And all these is twisting my thoughts in diseased ways. Memory (if it was her) might have been a fool for going into an Uktena's mind as she did, but she was right when she said that I need help. I need to do something, or this is only getting worse.
I brought my packmates over, and explained some of the situation. I didn’t tell them how the dark dreams had got there, only that they were there, and probably the source of some of my problems. They were eager to help, though they clearly didn’t understand much of what was going on. They also didn’t ask much - my sister doesn’t reward curiosity like my tribe does. And they didn’t know that there might be a nephandus lurking in there to fill their heads with taint.
Luckily, since I went into my dreams through the Rite of Dreaming, I controlled the circumstances a little better - we didn’t arrive at the Manicougan Resivour, or the hotel room, the Elvis concert, or any of the other great places I tend to end up at night, but in a swamp of shit, piss, dead bodies, and blood. The whole place seemed to drain me, though it didn’t have the same effect on my packmates. We set off in a direction that felt nice, until we found an island. I sent Unfinished Business ahead to scout, and my cousin started asking about this place. I told her that parts of it were from the caern fall.
When Unfinished Business came back, but didn’t get to tell us what she’d found (It turns out the island was a breast oozing puss, and the figurges on it were some manner of bane, or corrupt spirit, engaged in a massive orgy). Instead, the dead bodies in the water started… grabbing at us. Trying to grab and touch us in… that way. Defiling my cousin. I had enough. I headed for the island, and brought a fire elemental into being, and then dragged Caq out with my mind powers. We burned it all. Everything burned, and we clawed at everything, and we slaughtered everything on that breast-island, and destroyed the orgy, and slaughtered the dead bodies that had been grabbing at us, and… Caq had to stop me, keep me from pursuing the dead to keep killing what was already no threat. I nearly mauled her in the process.
Once out of dreaming, I had to puke. I regret bringing my packmates there. Even if it wasn’t as bad as it could have been, they shouldn’t have been subjected to being grabbed like that, especially Caq. Unfinished Business went to look after me, and said it was no problem, but she was just being polite. I’m angry at myself for subjecting them to that.
This had better have cleared all the banes from my chimerae.
Karuvar. Yes, he’s attractive. But could he force me into anything? No. I could kill him where he stood. He can breath fire, but so what? I can bend fire to my will. And Tail-Eater is afraid of me, because at any moment, I could suddenly become strong enough to punch through his walls like paper. Yes, there’s probably some… males out there who want to do things, but I’m fourth ranked for Grandmother’s sake. The tiger is not even in the top half of the list of the scariest things I’ve seen.
My chimerae needs cleared. It’s causing me so many sleepless nights, and so much stress, that it’s keeping me from getting things done, or keeping me from doing them as well as they should be done. And all these is twisting my thoughts in diseased ways. Memory (if it was her) might have been a fool for going into an Uktena's mind as she did, but she was right when she said that I need help. I need to do something, or this is only getting worse.
I brought my packmates over, and explained some of the situation. I didn’t tell them how the dark dreams had got there, only that they were there, and probably the source of some of my problems. They were eager to help, though they clearly didn’t understand much of what was going on. They also didn’t ask much - my sister doesn’t reward curiosity like my tribe does. And they didn’t know that there might be a nephandus lurking in there to fill their heads with taint.
Luckily, since I went into my dreams through the Rite of Dreaming, I controlled the circumstances a little better - we didn’t arrive at the Manicougan Resivour, or the hotel room, the Elvis concert, or any of the other great places I tend to end up at night, but in a swamp of shit, piss, dead bodies, and blood. The whole place seemed to drain me, though it didn’t have the same effect on my packmates. We set off in a direction that felt nice, until we found an island. I sent Unfinished Business ahead to scout, and my cousin started asking about this place. I told her that parts of it were from the caern fall.
When Unfinished Business came back, but didn’t get to tell us what she’d found (It turns out the island was a breast oozing puss, and the figurges on it were some manner of bane, or corrupt spirit, engaged in a massive orgy). Instead, the dead bodies in the water started… grabbing at us. Trying to grab and touch us in… that way. Defiling my cousin. I had enough. I headed for the island, and brought a fire elemental into being, and then dragged Caq out with my mind powers. We burned it all. Everything burned, and we clawed at everything, and we slaughtered everything on that breast-island, and destroyed the orgy, and slaughtered the dead bodies that had been grabbing at us, and… Caq had to stop me, keep me from pursuing the dead to keep killing what was already no threat. I nearly mauled her in the process.
Once out of dreaming, I had to puke. I regret bringing my packmates there. Even if it wasn’t as bad as it could have been, they shouldn’t have been subjected to being grabbed like that, especially Caq. Unfinished Business went to look after me, and said it was no problem, but she was just being polite. I’m angry at myself for subjecting them to that.
This had better have cleared all the banes from my chimerae.
