littlesilvertip

Nightmares are back. Full blown, no quarter given nightmares. I was hoping that whoever stumbled around in my head might have done something useful about them, but not only did they probably stumble into taint, but they didn’t improve anything. If anything, this one was so jarring that it made me wake up and stab a tree. Grandmother’s mercy… I can still feel them pulling out my guts.





After she left, I had time to think. It was hard talking to Quin. I know that he’s no threat, and I don’t think he’s interested in me (is he?), but I just felt… uneasy, so exposed when he was there. Except for when I was feeling so bad for him that it made my heart hurt. The same when my cousin repeatedly told me I’m pretty. I don’t think I am, and even if I was, I don’t know how I feel about that. I decided I was done being an ape for the day, and spent the rest of the day on four legs.

It didn’t rain much overnight, and with the parka, I managed to stay warm enough. I would have slept well enough it wasn’t for the nightmares. I think I woke up once or twice. I feel stretched thin, like fat that’s spread across too much pilotbread. I spent the whole day trying to work up the drive to go tell Scar what I found. Or any philodox, at this point. But, it was… well, I guess I’m skipping ahead.

I started out by trying to find some food. Nothing. I’d do very poorly as a member of the Omega Tribe. I remembered what Rebecca (the cannibal) said about the woman in the van, and I decided to stop by there once I gave Yellow Horse his gift. ( Giving Quin his gift )

( Dinner from Ila, but no fortune telling )

( Oh, god, it's Rebecca again )

( Running away from one Gnawer, and into two others )

It’s starting rain again. If this was in the wilds, I could make a shelter to deal with it. Or just take the wolf shape and go some place dry. I don’t like it here at all. I’ve piled enough cardboard to keep some of the rain off me, and I’m wearing my parka again. I did a little work on it first, though. Almost done, now. Gives me time to think - I’ve been making bad decisions ever since I came back. This thing about the cannibal, even if she is a good person in every other respect, is getting dumb.

And it’s not just making decisions: Being afraid of Earth-Whisperer mounting me, telling a Mage I just met to do things to my body, pissing myself in the tunnels, and these nightmares, just to name a few things. What the hell is going on with me? I’m supposed to be the wisest of the warriors, but I’m sure not acting like one.