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Got a late start, and headed down to somewhere with a weak gauntlet to try move things through the gauntlet… differently. Slowly and surely, I wedged myself into the mix, and began pulling. It pulled back. I pulled harder. It pushed me back. I tried to wedge myself in there, but I got caught in some of the webs. No good. Only one arm was trapped, so I managed to get it out.

I tried again. Slowly, and carefully, I pressed the two worlds together, before punching a hole. Again, I put myself into the mix, and began pulling the hole wider, and wider. As soon as I did, it started shrinking in other places where I moved my paws from. I need four paws to do this! The Fianna metis might excel at this gift. But, I was struck by an idea: I repeated the process, but when I went to stretch the hole bigger in one place, I wedged a bit of my spirit in the way where I’d moved my paws from. It started to tire me out quickly, but before I let it collapse again, took my paws off it, and it stayed open. I had done it successfully: I had made a bridge between the worlds the spirits could go through. I’m too tired to try and put this all together yet, but from here, it should be straightforward enough. I just need to do both things at the same time - calling the elementals to me, while making a hole for them to fit through. That’s a lot to do at once.

Running into Viv, talking about Jamethon )

As I was heading back, I smelled something - dead rabbits and Nova. She was heading through the snow over towards my cousin; I ran on over as the two were introducing themselves. Copperhead showed up too, and started unnerving the Kin, so I made her come over and show what she was. Everyone was about as disgusted as I was at seeing her, but now they won’t mistake her for a horned serpent animal-thing, at least. Just… a disgusting Metis. Which is what she is. Copperhead thinks Nova should have kids… if only she knew…

After telling Copperhead to go find Realm Walker, and Nova went inside, I went to get my cousin, as her why she wasn’t talking to the kin. After telling her that Nova had been my girlfriend, Storm of the North asked why she was here. And it got me thinking, wondering why she was… and then my cousin said she might want to still be with me.

I wonder if she wants to...

Crap. That makes a lot of sense. That makes… a ton of sense. I told her that’s not why Nova was here - just to visit - but I couldn’t shake the feeling my cousin was right. What if she was here to be with me again? That meant she wants to… oh god. Oh god, no. When Storm of the North saw I was getting upset, she tried to suggest that Nova wasn’t there for it. No way, I knew. I needed to get out of there, before she tried anything disgusting and wrong. I needed to go.

She’s not going to find me here. No way. I’m not doing anything. Not with her, or Reflection, or Earth Whisperer, or the Mage, or Anyone. No.
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The nightmares got worse, dreaming about birthing horrible… things… as the Nephandus did one of his dark ritual. I remember it clearly enough to know it was like the 3rd ritual type, some sort of perverse life-based magic. I woke up screaming and clawing at myself again, and didn’t go back to sleep. I spent most of the day in an exhausted stupor, rattling from one task to another, half finishing it, and then laying around blankly.

Cleansing: *What do you think you're doing, Little Bear?!* )

When I recovered enough, the metis had gone, and it was just me and Neryarta. He was weak from all the fighting, but concerned for me, and guarding over me. I fed him some of my gnosis, and let him talk for a while. He’s worried I’m destroying myself - not just with the taint. He told me I've been taking unnecessary risks, like I'm trying to kill myself; that I'm avoiding dealing with my true injuries. He had a captive audience, and lectured me for so long. But... he's right. About some of it, anyhow. He convinced me that I needed to go… ‘cauterize a wound.’ His words, not mine. Go talk to Nova.

Breaking up is a hard thing to do )
I know her well enough to know that she’s being strong for me; she can see what I’m going through, and is being tough. She’s going to collapse as soon as I’m gone. I tried to talk to her about how she is, but she’s bottling it up inside for the moment. She wants me to stay the night, so we can ‘talk about us’ and I’m going to. She needs this; I’m going to chew some jaguarleaf before we go any further. She doesn’t like it, but I need the help with dulling my feelings.

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littlesilvertip

March 2019

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