Exhaustion setting in
Sunday, 8 June 2014 23:00![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
littlesilvertipI spent the day going over things, thinking of different ways to investigate the Fenrir’s problem, while I fished. I divided the potential causes up into several groups, including health causes, hexes, spirit possession, wyrm taint, and evil magics. The number of different things that could be wrong with her body is staggering, on top of what I know from the memories of Alec St. Jean. Dr. Alec. There’s something that hadn’t thought on for a long time. I wonder how he is. I wonder if he would have liked me. He was indifferent to Joshua…
Anyhow, the Fenrir. I fished, I thought, I spent some time scent marking things, and I took a nap while I waited for the sun to go down; It didn’t take long for Sapphire to subtly point me towards a Dragonfly jaggling to help on the mystical side of things. She was the matriarch of her pond, and seemed to have a fair amount of intelligence, so I negotiated with her to help investigate the Fenrir. Light labour for her, so we came to a reasonable price (making some places for her animal-kin to lay their eggs). I had her go to the Lone Boulder, and then I hunted down Neryarta. He was groggy, but some prodding later, and a reminder that this was his idea, and he came with me. I then sent a small spirit over to go tell Fells-the-wyrm to get her butt back here (Paid for in Gnosis. I need to watch how much I give). I had a little more time to study before she arrived.
It’s clear that Fells-the-Wyrm hardly deals with spirits. Her reaction to seeing the spirits, and me, tell me this, even if her words hadn’t. She’s huge. I wish I was half as big as her. I’m a better warrior, no doubt, but she’s physically imposing. But she seemed confused by the spirits, and especially the way I interacted with Neryarta. Typical Get. Big muscles, tiny head. I must have been a little too insulting towards her, because Neryarta told me to knock it off. Queen of the Pond Beween the Six Rocks couldn’t care less.
We three examined her, using our respective methods. I focused on seeing if she had any physical object I could feel in her head - whether I could feel any spirits reacting to my rite of awakening - and checking for magic. Neryarta did… whatever he does, however he does it. So did the Dragon Fly. The Queen of the Pond suggested she felt a little something spirit magic related, but couldn’t pin it down. I ruled out several things, but had no idea. Neryarta could say it was brain damage, but not natural. Also, he smelled she had problems entering estrus; not especially relevant to the bigger problem, though. All three of us agreed that if she had big problems when she used her gifts, she should use her gifts so we could see what went wrong. She didn’t want to, we told her to, and eventually she reluctantly agreed. I wonder what poor person was on the receiving end.
She seizured, and bled from her nose and ear. Neryarta did his best to keep her healthy, but I wasn’t paying attention. I could sense spirit magic at work. Queen of the Pond Between the Six Rocks narrowed it down: entropic magic, consuming her own magic. An element of the Defiler Wyrm. A spore of sorts. Small. Neryarta felt it was in her spiritual mind, not her meat-brain. This was a good chunk to start with. We conferred while the Fenrir was unconscious, and shared our thoughts, and began to shape a plan. I first needed to know more about the exact type of spirit in her mind. And how it got there. It’s an interesting puzzle, but one I don’t have time for.
Once she was awake, she apologized, asked what she can do to thank Neryarta for healing and helping her. I told her to feed him gnosis, and that I’d need more chiminage for further studies. Neryarta then asked me to ask about her menstruation, and whether she had problems with it.
There’s a joke, somewhere, about a bear asking about that. I can’t find it, though.
He got insistent enough that I passed on the question; she said it’d been painful, but she’d used white ‘medicine’ to make it better. She then looked at me funny and asked if /I/ did, and if I had someone to help me through that. I mentioned something vague about how I didn’t really mind too much now, and anyhow it’s nothing compared to losing mates and so on. She didn’t ask much anymore. Anyhow, her answer seemed to confirm something for Neryarta, who suggested she should consider using ritual magic to help her having puppies. Otherwise, it’ll be hard. She seemed… uninterested. Said she’d be a bad parent, waved it off. Eh.
She started asking me why I hated her. Hah, like I reserved that much anger for someone like her. Like I’d be helping her, if I wanted her dead. She started to ask something more, but stopped and said she shouldn’t say that. That got me too curious, and I prodded her into asking anyhow. She asked something whether my kin believed in two-spirit people. How she asked it made me think she was asking if I was, so I told her I wasn’t. She said she wanted to know more, if my family had been accepting of the changes. Thinking about that again felt like being kicked. I don’t know. I hope. It’s… eh.
Kargamis showed up. I recognize it, from feeding it before, for Tail-Eater. It headed right for Neryarta, which was a bit of a puzzle. I asked it what it was doing, but it didn’t answer. Instead, it told Neryarta that Tail Eater wanted me to come see him as soon as possible. Oh, gafflings. Never change.
Tail-Eater met me part way, said he was giving someone some privacy. Fire-Dancer naked? Or maybe mundane people. He asked if I could manage spirits that could effect the physical world. Easy enough, but you don’t ask me to come as soon as possible to ask that without a reason. He wanted me to help save wolves that were captured. And a Black Spiral Dancer. The current plan was apparently a stupid one, and he wanted to steer it more towards a subtle approach. He wanted me to summon a water elemental (or fake it) to flush the enemy from hiding. Yet another thing to do. I told him how incredibly busy I am, and how little time I feel I have. I already don’t have personal time… and then I realized I’d been talking to him in lupus all along, like some sort of jerk. God, I’m tired.
He kept trying to persuade me to help, and with Mouse gone… that’s me, at this point. Veil breech. And dead wolf-kin. Hunters on our tail. Garou dead, or worse. For some stupid wyrmcomer front-on attack. First Neryarta has me wasting time on Dagny. Now Tail-Eater is asking me…
I agreed. I told him his plan was good, but I could do better. I could bring a real elemental into the building without being caught, easily. I could. I just need to watch how much gnosis I spend now, so I can manage all the feats. No need for paradox. No need for me to lie, either. I want to be able to look at others and say my renown is true. we settled a few other issues, and arranged it among ourselves. It’s settled.
I got to thinking about what the Fenrir asked me, about home. Going back is hard. It’s a long trip, even if you fly. I don’t have the time if I don’t fly… but I don’t have any money to fly. I asked him if he ever used his magic to earn money. He does. At first I thought it was… odd, that he’d use it so selfishly. But how he described he earned it, and how he arrived at the conclusions that some ways were not honourable seemed… admirable. He wasn’t doing it just because he could.
He must have smelled something wrong in my posture, and he asked me again and again about whether everything was okay. I eventually caved, and told him about Memory. He seemed sympathetic, but didn’t take sides against Memory, or against me. I don’t blame him, he’s good friends with her. Instead, he offered to examine me again with his poor life magic, and see if anything’s changed. I don’t know if that’s a good idea or a bad idea, but I agreed anyhow. I don’t really know if I want to know anymore. It’s been… it’s been… something.
I went home. Instead of taking lupus, I went to sleep in ape. Unfinished Business was awake, or woke up when I started to turn in. Said I was out on some date. Sigh. No. I was tired, didn’t want to argue. Said I was drunk. I was too tired to swat her. I told her how busy I’d been, and then hid under some bedding. I couldn’t sleep though. No, my head just kept going back to what the Fenrir said, about my family. I sometimes think my sister isn’t sure what to make of me anymore. She knows me best. What would my mom say? Or my other siblings. It’s been years since I’ve seen or talked to them last. Maybe they forgot me, or something. Did they hear I was dead? I started thinking so intensely that I wanted to go back to the village again, that I didn’t really realize I said it out loud.
Unfinished Business said something about home being where the heart is, and everyone missing where they came from. I told her I came from the sky, but just missed my family. She told me pack should be my family. I wanted to tell her that pack is nothing like my family, and that I missed them so much, but… too tired to argue. She got offended that I didn’t… do something. I don’t know, maybe reply. She said that if I wanted her gone from the pack, I should just say it. It took me a long time to unclench my teeth and tell her not everything’s about her. She stormed off. I tried to sleep.
Maybe Turtle’s right about me.
Anyhow, the Fenrir. I fished, I thought, I spent some time scent marking things, and I took a nap while I waited for the sun to go down; It didn’t take long for Sapphire to subtly point me towards a Dragonfly jaggling to help on the mystical side of things. She was the matriarch of her pond, and seemed to have a fair amount of intelligence, so I negotiated with her to help investigate the Fenrir. Light labour for her, so we came to a reasonable price (making some places for her animal-kin to lay their eggs). I had her go to the Lone Boulder, and then I hunted down Neryarta. He was groggy, but some prodding later, and a reminder that this was his idea, and he came with me. I then sent a small spirit over to go tell Fells-the-wyrm to get her butt back here (Paid for in Gnosis. I need to watch how much I give). I had a little more time to study before she arrived.
It’s clear that Fells-the-Wyrm hardly deals with spirits. Her reaction to seeing the spirits, and me, tell me this, even if her words hadn’t. She’s huge. I wish I was half as big as her. I’m a better warrior, no doubt, but she’s physically imposing. But she seemed confused by the spirits, and especially the way I interacted with Neryarta. Typical Get. Big muscles, tiny head. I must have been a little too insulting towards her, because Neryarta told me to knock it off. Queen of the Pond Beween the Six Rocks couldn’t care less.
We three examined her, using our respective methods. I focused on seeing if she had any physical object I could feel in her head - whether I could feel any spirits reacting to my rite of awakening - and checking for magic. Neryarta did… whatever he does, however he does it. So did the Dragon Fly. The Queen of the Pond suggested she felt a little something spirit magic related, but couldn’t pin it down. I ruled out several things, but had no idea. Neryarta could say it was brain damage, but not natural. Also, he smelled she had problems entering estrus; not especially relevant to the bigger problem, though. All three of us agreed that if she had big problems when she used her gifts, she should use her gifts so we could see what went wrong. She didn’t want to, we told her to, and eventually she reluctantly agreed. I wonder what poor person was on the receiving end.
She seizured, and bled from her nose and ear. Neryarta did his best to keep her healthy, but I wasn’t paying attention. I could sense spirit magic at work. Queen of the Pond Between the Six Rocks narrowed it down: entropic magic, consuming her own magic. An element of the Defiler Wyrm. A spore of sorts. Small. Neryarta felt it was in her spiritual mind, not her meat-brain. This was a good chunk to start with. We conferred while the Fenrir was unconscious, and shared our thoughts, and began to shape a plan. I first needed to know more about the exact type of spirit in her mind. And how it got there. It’s an interesting puzzle, but one I don’t have time for.
Once she was awake, she apologized, asked what she can do to thank Neryarta for healing and helping her. I told her to feed him gnosis, and that I’d need more chiminage for further studies. Neryarta then asked me to ask about her menstruation, and whether she had problems with it.
There’s a joke, somewhere, about a bear asking about that. I can’t find it, though.
He got insistent enough that I passed on the question; she said it’d been painful, but she’d used white ‘medicine’ to make it better. She then looked at me funny and asked if /I/ did, and if I had someone to help me through that. I mentioned something vague about how I didn’t really mind too much now, and anyhow it’s nothing compared to losing mates and so on. She didn’t ask much anymore. Anyhow, her answer seemed to confirm something for Neryarta, who suggested she should consider using ritual magic to help her having puppies. Otherwise, it’ll be hard. She seemed… uninterested. Said she’d be a bad parent, waved it off. Eh.
She started asking me why I hated her. Hah, like I reserved that much anger for someone like her. Like I’d be helping her, if I wanted her dead. She started to ask something more, but stopped and said she shouldn’t say that. That got me too curious, and I prodded her into asking anyhow. She asked something whether my kin believed in two-spirit people. How she asked it made me think she was asking if I was, so I told her I wasn’t. She said she wanted to know more, if my family had been accepting of the changes. Thinking about that again felt like being kicked. I don’t know. I hope. It’s… eh.
Kargamis showed up. I recognize it, from feeding it before, for Tail-Eater. It headed right for Neryarta, which was a bit of a puzzle. I asked it what it was doing, but it didn’t answer. Instead, it told Neryarta that Tail Eater wanted me to come see him as soon as possible. Oh, gafflings. Never change.
Tail-Eater met me part way, said he was giving someone some privacy. Fire-Dancer naked? Or maybe mundane people. He asked if I could manage spirits that could effect the physical world. Easy enough, but you don’t ask me to come as soon as possible to ask that without a reason. He wanted me to help save wolves that were captured. And a Black Spiral Dancer. The current plan was apparently a stupid one, and he wanted to steer it more towards a subtle approach. He wanted me to summon a water elemental (or fake it) to flush the enemy from hiding. Yet another thing to do. I told him how incredibly busy I am, and how little time I feel I have. I already don’t have personal time… and then I realized I’d been talking to him in lupus all along, like some sort of jerk. God, I’m tired.
He kept trying to persuade me to help, and with Mouse gone… that’s me, at this point. Veil breech. And dead wolf-kin. Hunters on our tail. Garou dead, or worse. For some stupid wyrmcomer front-on attack. First Neryarta has me wasting time on Dagny. Now Tail-Eater is asking me…
I agreed. I told him his plan was good, but I could do better. I could bring a real elemental into the building without being caught, easily. I could. I just need to watch how much gnosis I spend now, so I can manage all the feats. No need for paradox. No need for me to lie, either. I want to be able to look at others and say my renown is true. we settled a few other issues, and arranged it among ourselves. It’s settled.
I got to thinking about what the Fenrir asked me, about home. Going back is hard. It’s a long trip, even if you fly. I don’t have the time if I don’t fly… but I don’t have any money to fly. I asked him if he ever used his magic to earn money. He does. At first I thought it was… odd, that he’d use it so selfishly. But how he described he earned it, and how he arrived at the conclusions that some ways were not honourable seemed… admirable. He wasn’t doing it just because he could.
He must have smelled something wrong in my posture, and he asked me again and again about whether everything was okay. I eventually caved, and told him about Memory. He seemed sympathetic, but didn’t take sides against Memory, or against me. I don’t blame him, he’s good friends with her. Instead, he offered to examine me again with his poor life magic, and see if anything’s changed. I don’t know if that’s a good idea or a bad idea, but I agreed anyhow. I don’t really know if I want to know anymore. It’s been… it’s been… something.
I went home. Instead of taking lupus, I went to sleep in ape. Unfinished Business was awake, or woke up when I started to turn in. Said I was out on some date. Sigh. No. I was tired, didn’t want to argue. Said I was drunk. I was too tired to swat her. I told her how busy I’d been, and then hid under some bedding. I couldn’t sleep though. No, my head just kept going back to what the Fenrir said, about my family. I sometimes think my sister isn’t sure what to make of me anymore. She knows me best. What would my mom say? Or my other siblings. It’s been years since I’ve seen or talked to them last. Maybe they forgot me, or something. Did they hear I was dead? I started thinking so intensely that I wanted to go back to the village again, that I didn’t really realize I said it out loud.
Unfinished Business said something about home being where the heart is, and everyone missing where they came from. I told her I came from the sky, but just missed my family. She told me pack should be my family. I wanted to tell her that pack is nothing like my family, and that I missed them so much, but… too tired to argue. She got offended that I didn’t… do something. I don’t know, maybe reply. She said that if I wanted her gone from the pack, I should just say it. It took me a long time to unclench my teeth and tell her not everything’s about her. She stormed off. I tried to sleep.
Maybe Turtle’s right about me.
