littlesilvertip

I woke up to clawing at my own flesh, trying to rip parts of myself off with just my fingers. I don’t remember going to sleep in homid, but I also only remember snippets of the dream I had. Nephandic, again. It’s probably a good thing I didn’t stay in lupus, or else I could have caused some serious harm to myself, if I’d chewed off something. I felt… greasy for the rest of the day.

I laid off the the Elementalism during the day, instead using the time to try and scout for new herbs to replace the ones I destroyed. Most things aren’t in season, but I collected more willow bark, and in the lowlands I found a few relevant mushrooms that weren’t fruiting. So, I have that going for me. It took the most of the day, and it was dark before I was going home. On the way I gave a howl for my cousin.

( My cousin doesn't get anything. Useless. )

( Impressing the second Elemental )

Two elementals down, two to go.

I get out, and my cousin starts going on about ‘why you do that?’ and ‘you’re so stupid!’ and whine whine whine. I snapped on her, and told her what I thought of all the stupid, needy wolves around here. She got all cry-y, but forget that - I left.

Big fire. I made a big fire to get me warm. I’m going to get some frostbite, but that’s what staying out of breed is for.

The nightmares were… horrible. The nightmares have been bad in general, but they’ve gone from bad to worse. I dreamt I was the black spiral dancer, crucified upside down, and being… defiled. Again and again. My sternum was cracked open as the mage… the Nephandus kept my heart beating. Blood all over my face and…

Ugh. No rest. No rest at all.

( Samantha still doesn't get it. )

I worked through the night, until I fell asleep from exhaustion. There it was again, the Nephandic ritual, being enacted in my head, with me as the centerpiece. The things that bastard did to me in my sleep…

The things he carved in my face…

( Less dark avenues of research )

I headed back to the lake, and slept again. Sleep was… horrible. I dreamed about the third ritual she described. My body, broke across a pyramid shaped rock, my belly cut open as the will worker pulled out loop after loop of intestines… while other things emerged from my split belly…

( Copperhead knows. She knows too much. )

Well, I can deal with it later. Now, what I really need is more ‘rest.'

Sleep isn’t coming easy. Seems like my body is dreading the dreams, and is fighting against getting rest. I might start performing rites to take charge of my dreams, so I can recover a bit. I’ve been feeling… flagged. The others know, I think.

I spent the day doing chores, checking traps - the last while had got me an abundant bounty. Three beavers, four squirrels, two marten, a coyote, and one last otter.  With spring around the corner, I pulled my traps for this winter. I didn’t do bad for only a month. I think I could have done better if I had more time to prepare. As it is, I think this is a nice harvest for what little time I had. I skinned them all out and began drying them, and that took me most of the day.

( Slug seems to know something's up )

I wanted to collect my thoughts, so I went to go make a fire and stare at it. It wasn’t big enough and my eyes kept wandering, so I went sideways, and made a big one there. I was hoping to attract some more enigmatic spirits, so I might work through my thoughts better. Instead, the fire was large enough that a small elemental came and payed attention to it, but it was ignoring me. All the same, I had a hard time organizing my thoughts.

Unfinished Business came, wondered why I was making such a big fire. I told her big fire for a big problems, but when she kept asking, I shut up. Instead, I talked to her about the totems for our pack. I ‘picked her brain’ for a bit, figuring out whether she could be a good fit for Uktena. She has some… wendigo thoughts, but seems like she could be a good fit. Of course, words alone are nothing; I need to see how she behaves. Still, I have good hopes for her as a packmate.

( Samantha learns I wasn't always a woman, and pokes and prods )

( When the hell did self-immolation become reasonable?! )

Unfinished-Business thought I was insane. Maybe I am. This… is going to take a small while to heal.

To think I’ve been so paranoid about my fur catching fire for the last 8 years. After that? Hah. Fire is nothing.

I wonder if I can get the other elementals to teach me their signs, too? I could master all four, and call for them at will…

After I heal, anyhow.