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Nightmares on nightmares on…
Well, I tried to get work done. I opening holes in the umbra, but wasn’t feeling up to the task. I went to go put something on paper - I hadn’t done that in a week - but I wasn’t interested in that, either. I scribbled down some notes about the mandala, and a few things I learned from watching Star Wars, but gave up before I finished it all. I didn’t feel like sewing, either - I still need a new kuspuk. Eventually. I thought I’d go clear my head in the caern for a bit, and try to sort out the argument(?) Song of Vengeance and I had last night.
( Garou in the caern, and interrupted minor rites. )
( Slug has a dream, and a suggestion. )
Before I went to sleep, I thought of people I could talk to. Not my sister. Nova? Has her own burdens to bear. My cousin is too young. Unfinished Business? Too naïve. Peacekeeper is gone - most others are gone. Jordan’s gone… but Jordan isn’t too far away. We used to have feelings, but… she moved on. Any wound is old by now. Maybe it’s time I head to the Rez?
Well, I tried to get work done. I opening holes in the umbra, but wasn’t feeling up to the task. I went to go put something on paper - I hadn’t done that in a week - but I wasn’t interested in that, either. I scribbled down some notes about the mandala, and a few things I learned from watching Star Wars, but gave up before I finished it all. I didn’t feel like sewing, either - I still need a new kuspuk. Eventually. I thought I’d go clear my head in the caern for a bit, and try to sort out the argument(?) Song of Vengeance and I had last night.
( Garou in the caern, and interrupted minor rites. )
( Slug has a dream, and a suggestion. )
Before I went to sleep, I thought of people I could talk to. Not my sister. Nova? Has her own burdens to bear. My cousin is too young. Unfinished Business? Too naïve. Peacekeeper is gone - most others are gone. Jordan’s gone… but Jordan isn’t too far away. We used to have feelings, but… she moved on. Any wound is old by now. Maybe it’s time I head to the Rez?
Means to an end.
Friday, 21 March 2014 23:00The nightmares got worse, dreaming about birthing horrible… things… as the Nephandus did one of his dark ritual. I remember it clearly enough to know it was like the 3rd ritual type, some sort of perverse life-based magic. I woke up screaming and clawing at myself again, and didn’t go back to sleep. I spent most of the day in an exhausted stupor, rattling from one task to another, half finishing it, and then laying around blankly.
( Cleansing: *What do you think you're doing, Little Bear?!* )
When I recovered enough, the metis had gone, and it was just me and Neryarta. He was weak from all the fighting, but concerned for me, and guarding over me. I fed him some of my gnosis, and let him talk for a while. He’s worried I’m destroying myself - not just with the taint. He told me I've been taking unnecessary risks, like I'm trying to kill myself; that I'm avoiding dealing with my true injuries. He had a captive audience, and lectured me for so long. But... he's right. About some of it, anyhow. He convinced me that I needed to go… ‘cauterize a wound.’ His words, not mine. Go talk to Nova.
( Breaking up is a hard thing to do )
I know her well enough to know that she’s being strong for me; she can see what I’m going through, and is being tough. She’s going to collapse as soon as I’m gone. I tried to talk to her about how she is, but she’s bottling it up inside for the moment. She wants me to stay the night, so we can ‘talk about us’ and I’m going to. She needs this; I’m going to chew some jaguarleaf before we go any further. She doesn’t like it, but I need the help with dulling my feelings.
( Cleansing: *What do you think you're doing, Little Bear?!* )
When I recovered enough, the metis had gone, and it was just me and Neryarta. He was weak from all the fighting, but concerned for me, and guarding over me. I fed him some of my gnosis, and let him talk for a while. He’s worried I’m destroying myself - not just with the taint. He told me I've been taking unnecessary risks, like I'm trying to kill myself; that I'm avoiding dealing with my true injuries. He had a captive audience, and lectured me for so long. But... he's right. About some of it, anyhow. He convinced me that I needed to go… ‘cauterize a wound.’ His words, not mine. Go talk to Nova.
( Breaking up is a hard thing to do )
I know her well enough to know that she’s being strong for me; she can see what I’m going through, and is being tough. She’s going to collapse as soon as I’m gone. I tried to talk to her about how she is, but she’s bottling it up inside for the moment. She wants me to stay the night, so we can ‘talk about us’ and I’m going to. She needs this; I’m going to chew some jaguarleaf before we go any further. She doesn’t like it, but I need the help with dulling my feelings.
