Would that I have dove too deep.
Wednesday, 12 March 2014 01:00![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
littlesilvertipI began by sifting through answers, and they lead to more questions. Many, many more questions. I needed additional information. I needed to protect us from the soul-sucking mages, and to do this, I needed to know more. I dipped a toe into the reflection.
She was a woman, from not that long ago, who met a man. This man… was not a man. World-Twister, but himself twisted and inverted. In sex, he made her experience a thousand lifetimes of desolation and agony. He easily bent her, exposing her to the true torment of the world. She became a fallen one, but he rode her mind like a horse. They enacted dark rituals - like rituals that I had fleeting glimpses of when the caern fell, and the blood shit ran like water. Rituals that stole all the possibility, life, and being from caerns. Not just corruption, but complete annihilation.
I endured a frenzy like I haven’t endured in ages - the horned serpent rode me the entire time. I trashed much of the place, and destroyed drawings I had made before. I lost the circle that the mage had made - I could try to recreate it from memory, but it was too long ago now to do accurately. I feel aches, and weakness, and a desire to vomit. I feel defiled. I… I have been here before, and I’ve always known there was a risk to learning this way… I told myself it wasn’t it, and convinced myself the feelings were from other reasons.
On my way back to the lake, Neryarta came to me to bug me again about how he’s a worry wart, and how he thinks I’m broken or something. Except he stopped, and drew up to two legs, like he smelled something. He then freaked out - he told me I smelled rotten to him. I had soul rot and need to go find someone to help me, now. Urgently. I know he’s right, that everything points to I have let myself be defiled. I told him I’d work on it, and he didn’t believe me. I told him I’d try to Maqi myself clean first, and this just got him angrier. The bastard followed me all the way back to the lake. Luckily he can’t get through the gauntlet, or he’d just start bugging me here, too.
There’s not enough wood for the Maqi, and I’m feeling tired and sick. Maybe I’ll do it another day.
She was a woman, from not that long ago, who met a man. This man… was not a man. World-Twister, but himself twisted and inverted. In sex, he made her experience a thousand lifetimes of desolation and agony. He easily bent her, exposing her to the true torment of the world. She became a fallen one, but he rode her mind like a horse. They enacted dark rituals - like rituals that I had fleeting glimpses of when the caern fell, and the blood shit ran like water. Rituals that stole all the possibility, life, and being from caerns. Not just corruption, but complete annihilation.
I endured a frenzy like I haven’t endured in ages - the horned serpent rode me the entire time. I trashed much of the place, and destroyed drawings I had made before. I lost the circle that the mage had made - I could try to recreate it from memory, but it was too long ago now to do accurately. I feel aches, and weakness, and a desire to vomit. I feel defiled. I… I have been here before, and I’ve always known there was a risk to learning this way… I told myself it wasn’t it, and convinced myself the feelings were from other reasons.
On my way back to the lake, Neryarta came to me to bug me again about how he’s a worry wart, and how he thinks I’m broken or something. Except he stopped, and drew up to two legs, like he smelled something. He then freaked out - he told me I smelled rotten to him. I had soul rot and need to go find someone to help me, now. Urgently. I know he’s right, that everything points to I have let myself be defiled. I told him I’d work on it, and he didn’t believe me. I told him I’d try to Maqi myself clean first, and this just got him angrier. The bastard followed me all the way back to the lake. Luckily he can’t get through the gauntlet, or he’d just start bugging me here, too.
There’s not enough wood for the Maqi, and I’m feeling tired and sick. Maybe I’ll do it another day.
