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I haven't touched this thing in six months - a combination of being too busy and not being interested when I wasn't busy. Reflection prompted me, reminded me that I had this laying around, so... I guess here's the half a year update.

Most of my attention? It's been focused on the Nothing. I spent more time researching it. Not successfully, I might add. How many dead ends can I run down? I all but smacked myself in the forehead when Memory pointed out the caern of the end of days. Their totem was magpie; I should have seen the link. I'd been blind. Earth whisperer told me he had a lead, and I left Nunam to run it down with him. Months in the Canadian North looking for answers, only to find dead end after dead end. I left my family for nothing, and my cousin is bitter we didn't take her.

My family: I went back to them for a month. They thought I was dead, and explaining things was... well, it didn't go as well as I hoped. Someone - I think it was Old white Fox? - cracked a joke that every time I came back I looked different, and next time I returned I'd be a six foot tall weasel. There's some truth to that. Not the weasel bit. One of the Hunts, Eddy... I started getting close to him, and I found myself... liking him. Really liking him. Then the reality of the situation set in on us, and he grew cold. My mom took things in a little better stride. She's still pretty formal with me, but this time I feel like a dam broke. She was more... joking, at times. More relaxed than I've seen her. She's proud that the family has two fourth ranked warriors, though she'd wishes I'd be more like Jacinta. I got that feeling from lots of people. "Oh, you're doing great. A fourth ranked real person? Protects our values? That's great. Just wish you were wendigo, and not a secret hoarder."

Esther patched things over with her own mom while I was out. I heard it went... okay. She'd be welcome home, if she decided to leave The Sept of the Three, at least. I went out with family while she did, with wilfred and Beverlyanne, their mates, and Joshua. Joshua'll shape up to be a great hunter, I'm sure. A real provider. It felt like some people were disappointed he was part indian, but maybe I was imagining things. Anyhow, I'm real proud of my nephew. It got me thinking one day I'd love to have my own son, and he'd do better than me. He'd be part white, but that'd be better than as white as I am. That'd been on my mind a lot - lots of people with new kids, I guess. Esther isn't even half as interested. I think she's a little intimidated by the thought. I am too, but Esther... eh.

Esther. After I returned from Canada, the cold shoulder from my cousin. She was offended that I didn't bring her with me. She pretended like she accepted my apology. I suggested it was time for cliath to challenge, and she did. But it was so... bloody. Thoughtless. I'm disappointed. Every time we talk, she goes on about just mauling the enemy. She's been drifting more and more from her thirst for knowledge. I wonder if I've made a mistake, inviting her into a wisdom pack. Not that long ago, we had a big fight about her attitude towards subtlety. I hadn't talked to her since. I've been avoiding her, and I think she's been avoiding me. I want to make things right with her, and put her on the right track towards wisdom, but I'm not sure how.

The thing Reflection reminded me - the reason I remembered to write in here -  was it's been a year since I came back from the deep umbra. Things are definitely... different. But they feel more right to me than they did before. I've found time to dwelve into amazing secrets, even if I had some major stumbles during the time. I brought back the codex, and learned how to even use it (mostly). I've learnt more of the machinations of mages than I imagined I could in a year. I feel like I'm on the cusp of major breakthroughs in my understanding of magics, and my understanding of the tellurian. I would hesitate to say so to his face, but I feel I have a new friend in the warper, one that understands the thirst for knowledge. And one that, if nothing else, gives me one more person to talk my people's tongue with. It's almost a shame he's white. But the big problems? The pressing problems for the sept? I'm no closer to solving them than I was a year ago.

Movie night.

Thursday, 27 March 2014 23:00
littlesilvertip: (Default)
Even if the ideas aren’t infectious themselves, I’m having a hard time not thinking about those Nephandic concepts. The rituals in particular seem to come easily, even if I haven’t had a nightmare about them in a while. I had another panic over them, while performing the rite for helping my thoughts and decisions. Going over my interaction with Tail-Eater turned into thoughts about the use of objects and rituals in their use of magic. This lead to thoughts about Tail-Eater’s use of rituals.
This lead the thought about Nephandic rituals.
Which lead to thoughts about the details of those rituals I learned.
Which lead to my nightmares about those rituals.
Which lead to thinking about those nightmares again.
Which lead to thinking about those nightmares again.
Which lead to thinking about…

Jamethon worries me greatly )

I went back to the lake, and make one last check that he wasn’t near, before I felt safe; just to be sure, I took to the trees for a while, so he couldn’t follow me, even if he wanted to. I wanted to keep working on the mage problem, but didn’t want to get stuck dwelling on the… rituals again. Maybe it was time to watch Star Wars, instead. Tail-Eater said it was reflective of both him, and his understanding of magic. I packed it up from the place, and headed over towards Turtle.

Movie Night With Turtle )

A New Hope )

I never noticed, but everyone in that movie is white.

When the movie was done, I started paying attention to the boat again, and Turtle was carving. He thought it was a bit weird for, but didn’t object when I put in the second movie.


The Empire Strikes Back )

I noticed that the only non-white character with a name is a traitor.

By this point, Turtle seemed pretty curious what I was doing, but I convinced him to let me watch the last one. I’m glad. It was the most interesting yet.

Return of the Jedi )

Again, this movie is for whites. The evil slug lived in an eastern building, with eastern style guards. The black man acted good, but only in atonement.

It was very late when it finished, and later before I got back. A lot of good insight. Since sleep brings nightmares, I think it’s a good trade.

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