Resting and recuperation
Friday, 14 March 2014 23:00![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
littlesilvertipThe first night, I slept pretty well, considering my injuries. I guess there’s nothing like being covered in burns to instill a restful spirit. I don’t think I’ll use this method in the future, though.
My cousin came in, saw how bad I was hurt, and freaked out a bit. I didn’t know since I slept through all of it, but she was pretty concerned for my well-being. Eh, I’ve been worse. Still, she’s young; it’s good that she cares. When I woke up, she was nearby, wanting to know what happened, why I didn’t call for her, and so on.
Explained to her what happened, with me and Unfinished Business. My cousin… doesn’t get it either. ‘What is gender?’ and all that nonsense. It’s easy for them to be philosophical when it’s not in their bodies, and not in their heads. I told her I wasn’t nearly as okay with it, and she seemed surprised - apparently, she thought I was this way by choice. Thinking back… I told her when I first saw she came down here. When I did tell her, I hadn’t realized she had her first change. I kept things simple, so a kinfolk could understand. I can see where her confusion came from, in hindsight.
I still don’t think she gets how messed up my head is, right now.
I don’t think she understands why I chucked myself into that fire. I don’t think I understand either. It was… not a sane thing to do. Not that I said this outloud. I did share my little victory over fire, and she seemed impressed when I could make the sigil - I could make it glow, and burn, but I couldn’t make any elementals come. There’s more to this. She seemed interested in learning it (step 1, become Uktena, step 2, become fourth rank…), and I gently directed her to learn some of her own breed and own tribe’s gifts. Hopefully she takes it to heart, and goes to the farmhouse. Edgewood. Whatever they call it.
I tried to sew later on, but my fingers were too blistered and bleeding. Ester left a little fire, so I started doing my rite again, and sorting through my problems.
The next two days, I had more time to practice the sigil. I went outside to try, and got it to the point where I can make the signs in the air without screwing up. If I mess up the signs, the sigil putters out into a puff of smoke. But even when I draw them right, it seems like it only draws the elemental’s attention. To actually summon it there, I have to do something different. Call it somehow, or, rip a hole in the gauntlet, or… maybe both. I tried pulling it through the gauntlet with just the power of my spirit nature - very brute force. And not successful.
When I haven’t been practicing that, I’ve been resting and thinking. I can’t help the thinking - I’m stuck in the near ape form for healing inside. I’ve tried to keep my thoughts more towards useful topics, like mages, and the study of the mandala. I can’t sketch it in the public place, though. I feel if I had a better grasp of the name-breaker writing system, more of this would make sense. It’s been useful in helping me generate some new ideas about working spirits, even if not everything is clear in it. I’ve had an idea - maybe a terrible one - where I take a Inuksuk, but made of ice, and…
Well, that idea needs work. After I finish mastering the elementals.
After I heal more.
My cousin came in, saw how bad I was hurt, and freaked out a bit. I didn’t know since I slept through all of it, but she was pretty concerned for my well-being. Eh, I’ve been worse. Still, she’s young; it’s good that she cares. When I woke up, she was nearby, wanting to know what happened, why I didn’t call for her, and so on.
Explained to her what happened, with me and Unfinished Business. My cousin… doesn’t get it either. ‘What is gender?’ and all that nonsense. It’s easy for them to be philosophical when it’s not in their bodies, and not in their heads. I told her I wasn’t nearly as okay with it, and she seemed surprised - apparently, she thought I was this way by choice. Thinking back… I told her when I first saw she came down here. When I did tell her, I hadn’t realized she had her first change. I kept things simple, so a kinfolk could understand. I can see where her confusion came from, in hindsight.
I still don’t think she gets how messed up my head is, right now.
I don’t think she understands why I chucked myself into that fire. I don’t think I understand either. It was… not a sane thing to do. Not that I said this outloud. I did share my little victory over fire, and she seemed impressed when I could make the sigil - I could make it glow, and burn, but I couldn’t make any elementals come. There’s more to this. She seemed interested in learning it (step 1, become Uktena, step 2, become fourth rank…), and I gently directed her to learn some of her own breed and own tribe’s gifts. Hopefully she takes it to heart, and goes to the farmhouse. Edgewood. Whatever they call it.
I tried to sew later on, but my fingers were too blistered and bleeding. Ester left a little fire, so I started doing my rite again, and sorting through my problems.
The next two days, I had more time to practice the sigil. I went outside to try, and got it to the point where I can make the signs in the air without screwing up. If I mess up the signs, the sigil putters out into a puff of smoke. But even when I draw them right, it seems like it only draws the elemental’s attention. To actually summon it there, I have to do something different. Call it somehow, or, rip a hole in the gauntlet, or… maybe both. I tried pulling it through the gauntlet with just the power of my spirit nature - very brute force. And not successful.
When I haven’t been practicing that, I’ve been resting and thinking. I can’t help the thinking - I’m stuck in the near ape form for healing inside. I’ve tried to keep my thoughts more towards useful topics, like mages, and the study of the mandala. I can’t sketch it in the public place, though. I feel if I had a better grasp of the name-breaker writing system, more of this would make sense. It’s been useful in helping me generate some new ideas about working spirits, even if not everything is clear in it. I’ve had an idea - maybe a terrible one - where I take a Inuksuk, but made of ice, and…
Well, that idea needs work. After I finish mastering the elementals.
After I heal more.
