Running from nothing
Saturday, 22 February 2014 11:22![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
littlesilvertipIt didn’t rain much overnight, and with the parka, I managed to stay warm enough. I would have slept well enough it wasn’t for the nightmares. I think I woke up once or twice. I feel stretched thin, like fat that’s spread across too much pilotbread. I spent the whole day trying to work up the drive to go tell Scar what I found. Or any philodox, at this point. But, it was… well, I guess I’m skipping ahead.
I started out by trying to find some food. Nothing. I’d do very poorly as a member of the Omega Tribe. I remembered what Rebecca (the cannibal) said about the woman in the van, and I decided to stop by there once I gave Yellow Horse his gift. I used Questing Stone to find him, and it was easy enough. He lives in a nice building. I wonder if he has money? He looked tired, but before I could say anything about it, he said I looked crap. While we drank coffee, he explained it was because I looked tired. I wonder if there’s something else he meant.
He mentioned learning our language, but I tried to discourage him. I worry that too many of the ways are being lost to others taking up /our/ ways. The ways of their people are what’s more right for them. Maybe I should work on my English more, so that’s in common again. I used to be better, before I spent so much time only as a wolf. Hard to work up the drive to do that, though. I gave him his gift for all the help he had given me, recently, and… I don’t know what he made of it. He seemed odd, like maybe he wasn’t grateful for the gift? Did I offend him? I don’t know. I invited him by the lake. He said he’d come by the lake and show me his bow. I wouldn’t mind that. But, the whole time he kept calling me ‘ma’am.’ That, I didn’t like at all.
I didn’t ask Yellow Horse for any food, and he didn’t offer any beyond coffee, so I was still pretty hungry. I found the van that the cannibal mentioned, and watched it for a while, trying to figure out how to get food out of it. When I did go up to the soft white woman, I saw a little mark that suggested she was a Bone Gnawer kin. And then I saw one for Fianna. I didn’t try to figure that out, but asked for food instead. So good. I had no idea how hungry I was until she gave me that.
Rebecca mentioned she also did hand reading, and once I had the food, I started to ask her about that. I didn’t say why I wanted her to do it, but, well, is it so weird to want to know whether I’ll be a man again? I almost think I should want to know, and should be working harder for it than I am. It worries me that it’s not worrying me nearly as much as it should. The woman said that reading hands is mostly fake, which disappointed me; when she suggested Dives-Deep, that was pretty much the end of that. I can’t really think of anything Dives-Deep would be able to do that I can’t do or haven’t already done.
I headed down the street to eat away from the homeless, and to try and stay warm, when I saw Rebecca. I wasn’t sure what I should do about her. She came right over to me, and looked like she was concerned. Maybe I do look like crap. She wanted to make sure I was well, and that no one was hitting me. She tried to get me to go to a place for being safe, and about then I realized I needed to go. As I got the hell out of there to clear my head, I saw her feeding a rat. A big one. A spirit? Maybe.
I ran for a good while (uh, is that supposed to hurt?), getting away. When I was sure she didn’t follow me, I slowed down… and ran into Dives-Deep. She wanted to know why I was running (which isn’t a bad quesiton), but I blew the question off. After like the fifth time of her saying my name wrong, I suggested she just call me a Kass’aq name. Better that than them mangling it so often. I mentioned that the van lady suggested I talk to her, and we went inside where I could take the wolf shape. Grandmother, I’ve been on two legs for far too long. I think I’ve had enough of Fire-Dancer’s suggestion, as soon as I can get back to nature.
Dives-Deep thought the lady in the van directed me to her because she’d be able to help, and I must have been pretty dismissive. She mentioned Precognition (or maybe Dance of Lights), and Unfettered Dreaming. She’s only second rank, so I guess that’s not too surprising. Not much of a help. She took offense, probably, but I didn’t care. Spirits were also suggested, like I hadn’t thought of that. The hunchback metis (the shit smelling one), Dumpster-Diver, showed up and made tea. He said maybe I shouldn’t try to find out the future. Easy for him to say. I didn’t tell them what it was about, though maybe a few of them could guess. I don’t know. We talked for a bit, there was tea, and then the two left to do other stuff. I left when they did, so I wasn’t alone in their territory.
It’s starting rain again. If this was in the wilds, I could make a shelter to deal with it. Or just take the wolf shape and go some place dry. I don’t like it here at all. I’ve piled enough cardboard to keep some of the rain off me, and I’m wearing my parka again. I did a little work on it first, though. Almost done, now. Gives me time to think - I’ve been making bad decisions ever since I came back. This thing about the cannibal, even if she is a good person in every other respect, is getting dumb.
And it’s not just making decisions: Being afraid of Earth-Whisperer mounting me, telling a Mage I just met to do things to my body, pissing myself in the tunnels, and these nightmares, just to name a few things. What the hell is going on with me? I’m supposed to be the wisest of the warriors, but I’m sure not acting like one.
I started out by trying to find some food. Nothing. I’d do very poorly as a member of the Omega Tribe. I remembered what Rebecca (the cannibal) said about the woman in the van, and I decided to stop by there once I gave Yellow Horse his gift. I used Questing Stone to find him, and it was easy enough. He lives in a nice building. I wonder if he has money? He looked tired, but before I could say anything about it, he said I looked crap. While we drank coffee, he explained it was because I looked tired. I wonder if there’s something else he meant.
He mentioned learning our language, but I tried to discourage him. I worry that too many of the ways are being lost to others taking up /our/ ways. The ways of their people are what’s more right for them. Maybe I should work on my English more, so that’s in common again. I used to be better, before I spent so much time only as a wolf. Hard to work up the drive to do that, though. I gave him his gift for all the help he had given me, recently, and… I don’t know what he made of it. He seemed odd, like maybe he wasn’t grateful for the gift? Did I offend him? I don’t know. I invited him by the lake. He said he’d come by the lake and show me his bow. I wouldn’t mind that. But, the whole time he kept calling me ‘ma’am.’ That, I didn’t like at all.
I didn’t ask Yellow Horse for any food, and he didn’t offer any beyond coffee, so I was still pretty hungry. I found the van that the cannibal mentioned, and watched it for a while, trying to figure out how to get food out of it. When I did go up to the soft white woman, I saw a little mark that suggested she was a Bone Gnawer kin. And then I saw one for Fianna. I didn’t try to figure that out, but asked for food instead. So good. I had no idea how hungry I was until she gave me that.
Rebecca mentioned she also did hand reading, and once I had the food, I started to ask her about that. I didn’t say why I wanted her to do it, but, well, is it so weird to want to know whether I’ll be a man again? I almost think I should want to know, and should be working harder for it than I am. It worries me that it’s not worrying me nearly as much as it should. The woman said that reading hands is mostly fake, which disappointed me; when she suggested Dives-Deep, that was pretty much the end of that. I can’t really think of anything Dives-Deep would be able to do that I can’t do or haven’t already done.
I headed down the street to eat away from the homeless, and to try and stay warm, when I saw Rebecca. I wasn’t sure what I should do about her. She came right over to me, and looked like she was concerned. Maybe I do look like crap. She wanted to make sure I was well, and that no one was hitting me. She tried to get me to go to a place for being safe, and about then I realized I needed to go. As I got the hell out of there to clear my head, I saw her feeding a rat. A big one. A spirit? Maybe.
I ran for a good while (uh, is that supposed to hurt?), getting away. When I was sure she didn’t follow me, I slowed down… and ran into Dives-Deep. She wanted to know why I was running (which isn’t a bad quesiton), but I blew the question off. After like the fifth time of her saying my name wrong, I suggested she just call me a Kass’aq name. Better that than them mangling it so often. I mentioned that the van lady suggested I talk to her, and we went inside where I could take the wolf shape. Grandmother, I’ve been on two legs for far too long. I think I’ve had enough of Fire-Dancer’s suggestion, as soon as I can get back to nature.
Dives-Deep thought the lady in the van directed me to her because she’d be able to help, and I must have been pretty dismissive. She mentioned Precognition (or maybe Dance of Lights), and Unfettered Dreaming. She’s only second rank, so I guess that’s not too surprising. Not much of a help. She took offense, probably, but I didn’t care. Spirits were also suggested, like I hadn’t thought of that. The hunchback metis (the shit smelling one), Dumpster-Diver, showed up and made tea. He said maybe I shouldn’t try to find out the future. Easy for him to say. I didn’t tell them what it was about, though maybe a few of them could guess. I don’t know. We talked for a bit, there was tea, and then the two left to do other stuff. I left when they did, so I wasn’t alone in their territory.
It’s starting rain again. If this was in the wilds, I could make a shelter to deal with it. Or just take the wolf shape and go some place dry. I don’t like it here at all. I’ve piled enough cardboard to keep some of the rain off me, and I’m wearing my parka again. I did a little work on it first, though. Almost done, now. Gives me time to think - I’ve been making bad decisions ever since I came back. This thing about the cannibal, even if she is a good person in every other respect, is getting dumb.
And it’s not just making decisions: Being afraid of Earth-Whisperer mounting me, telling a Mage I just met to do things to my body, pissing myself in the tunnels, and these nightmares, just to name a few things. What the hell is going on with me? I’m supposed to be the wisest of the warriors, but I’m sure not acting like one.
