As close to fair as we’ll get.
Thursday, 6 March 2014 23:00![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
littlesilvertipRebecca and Finds Death. Both did horrible things. Both did them to humans. Both I couldn’t bring myself to be the one who finished things for them. Rebecca I had to be forced to, by my sister. Finds Death, I ran her away from the pack, and said if the law keepers punish her, then so be it, but I wasn’t going to be the one to start it.
Do I hate humans? Is that why I’m so ready to let them go, even though I know they’re wrong? Looking back, I was thinking that maybe Rebecca was doing a good thing, culling the herd. This is absurd. I am Uktena. We don’t believe that. I do remember telling Finds Death that while she packed with Uktena, she couldn’t kill apes. Did that happen? Or am I remembering things that didn’t happen? I know I like kin. Is that I’m okay with them killing, so long as they are whites?
I was angry at Finds Death. I was disgusted by Rebecca. Yet the murder of Finds Death is still painful to think about, and I don’t think of Rebecca’s execution with any joy. Finds Death is maybe more understandable, because I packed with her for as long as we did. She was wrong, but we had still been packmates. That’s a bond. Rebecca, though? She’s the worst kind of cannibal. I would not be surprised if she would dance the black spiral if given the chance. My feelings for either? Weird. So weird. They don’t make sense to me. But I feel them. My head tells me one thing, my heart another. I think my heart can be wrong. Sometimes, maybe thought is the right thing.
Finds Death, though. She deserves vengeance. If nothing else, the Talon-Slayer took a life of one of the Grandmother’s chosen over the death of apes. This is a perversion of justice. Even for Uktena, one of the wolf people is easily worth ten kin. This is why we don’t kill our metis, even though they clearly show the grandmother’s scorn for their past crimes. They still have the soul of a wolf-person. And soul of a wolf-person for a soul of a murdered wolf-person would be a fair price. There’s a cost.
I split some wood to avoid out-and-out attacking Fire-Dancer, with my blood still up. Song-of-Vengence comes by as I’m stacking it by the firepit for others to use, and sees something is troubling me. I tell her that her packmate murdered Finds Death, and how the others were judging me for wanting my revenge. She said she understood my desire. She didn’t know much about the murder, and said it might not be a murder. I told her that the Talon-Slayer said it was as much.
She claimed that I’m so much like her. I’m not. We’ve got nothing in common.
Song-of-Vengence was worried that if I did any dark medicine, it’d bleed onto her pack. I’m not that sloppy. But she convinced me to talk to the urrah, and tell her why I am so angry.
It took a while to get into the city, but I hunted the Talon-slayer down, and we went to a neutral place to talk. I explained to her why I hadn’t acted against Finds Death even if I did not like what she did - she was a packmate - and how I had incredible hatred for the Talon-Slayer, and my anger demanded payment.
She told me what happened with her and Fallout, but there was nothing new or surprising there. She told me that she thought murdering Finds Death was a mistake, and would accept it if I chose to curse her - so long as my anger was satisfied.
It wouldn’t be. I could make her life terrible, but nothing short of killing Riley in return is going make me feel things have been balanced. Killing her isn’t an option, and wouldn’t be wise if it was. We talked for a while, before we came up with a compromise that leaves her alive, and makes some payment - life for a life. If she saves (and not fake saves, but really saves) a wolf person’s life, or brings a new one to this world, I guess that’s as good we can do. Until then, she owes her continued existence to my patience and mercy.
She agreed to this deal. I don’t know if it was because she knows I’m right, or because she doesn’t want to die. Probably both.
It’s about as close to fair as we’ll get.
Do I hate humans? Is that why I’m so ready to let them go, even though I know they’re wrong? Looking back, I was thinking that maybe Rebecca was doing a good thing, culling the herd. This is absurd. I am Uktena. We don’t believe that. I do remember telling Finds Death that while she packed with Uktena, she couldn’t kill apes. Did that happen? Or am I remembering things that didn’t happen? I know I like kin. Is that I’m okay with them killing, so long as they are whites?
I was angry at Finds Death. I was disgusted by Rebecca. Yet the murder of Finds Death is still painful to think about, and I don’t think of Rebecca’s execution with any joy. Finds Death is maybe more understandable, because I packed with her for as long as we did. She was wrong, but we had still been packmates. That’s a bond. Rebecca, though? She’s the worst kind of cannibal. I would not be surprised if she would dance the black spiral if given the chance. My feelings for either? Weird. So weird. They don’t make sense to me. But I feel them. My head tells me one thing, my heart another. I think my heart can be wrong. Sometimes, maybe thought is the right thing.
Finds Death, though. She deserves vengeance. If nothing else, the Talon-Slayer took a life of one of the Grandmother’s chosen over the death of apes. This is a perversion of justice. Even for Uktena, one of the wolf people is easily worth ten kin. This is why we don’t kill our metis, even though they clearly show the grandmother’s scorn for their past crimes. They still have the soul of a wolf-person. And soul of a wolf-person for a soul of a murdered wolf-person would be a fair price. There’s a cost.
I split some wood to avoid out-and-out attacking Fire-Dancer, with my blood still up. Song-of-Vengence comes by as I’m stacking it by the firepit for others to use, and sees something is troubling me. I tell her that her packmate murdered Finds Death, and how the others were judging me for wanting my revenge. She said she understood my desire. She didn’t know much about the murder, and said it might not be a murder. I told her that the Talon-Slayer said it was as much.
She claimed that I’m so much like her. I’m not. We’ve got nothing in common.
Song-of-Vengence was worried that if I did any dark medicine, it’d bleed onto her pack. I’m not that sloppy. But she convinced me to talk to the urrah, and tell her why I am so angry.
It took a while to get into the city, but I hunted the Talon-slayer down, and we went to a neutral place to talk. I explained to her why I hadn’t acted against Finds Death even if I did not like what she did - she was a packmate - and how I had incredible hatred for the Talon-Slayer, and my anger demanded payment.
She told me what happened with her and Fallout, but there was nothing new or surprising there. She told me that she thought murdering Finds Death was a mistake, and would accept it if I chose to curse her - so long as my anger was satisfied.
It wouldn’t be. I could make her life terrible, but nothing short of killing Riley in return is going make me feel things have been balanced. Killing her isn’t an option, and wouldn’t be wise if it was. We talked for a while, before we came up with a compromise that leaves her alive, and makes some payment - life for a life. If she saves (and not fake saves, but really saves) a wolf person’s life, or brings a new one to this world, I guess that’s as good we can do. Until then, she owes her continued existence to my patience and mercy.
She agreed to this deal. I don’t know if it was because she knows I’m right, or because she doesn’t want to die. Probably both.
It’s about as close to fair as we’ll get.
