Immolation

Sleep isn’t coming easy. Seems like my body is dreading the dreams, and is fighting against getting rest. I might start performing rites to take charge of my dreams, so I can recover a bit. I’ve been feeling… flagged. The others know, I think.

I spent the day doing chores, checking traps - the last while had got me an abundant bounty. Three beavers, four squirrels, two marten, a coyote, and one last otter.  With spring around the corner, I pulled my traps for this winter. I didn’t do bad for only a month. I think I could have done better if I had more time to prepare. As it is, I think this is a nice harvest for what little time I had. I skinned them all out and began drying them, and that took me most of the day.

( Slug seems to know something's up )

I wanted to collect my thoughts, so I went to go make a fire and stare at it. It wasn’t big enough and my eyes kept wandering, so I went sideways, and made a big one there. I was hoping to attract some more enigmatic spirits, so I might work through my thoughts better. Instead, the fire was large enough that a small elemental came and payed attention to it, but it was ignoring me. All the same, I had a hard time organizing my thoughts.

Unfinished Business came, wondered why I was making such a big fire. I told her big fire for a big problems, but when she kept asking, I shut up. Instead, I talked to her about the totems for our pack. I ‘picked her brain’ for a bit, figuring out whether she could be a good fit for Uktena. She has some… wendigo thoughts, but seems like she could be a good fit. Of course, words alone are nothing; I need to see how she behaves. Still, I have good hopes for her as a packmate.

( Samantha learns I wasn't always a woman, and pokes and prods )

( When the hell did self-immolation become reasonable?! )

Unfinished-Business thought I was insane. Maybe I am. This… is going to take a small while to heal.

To think I’ve been so paranoid about my fur catching fire for the last 8 years. After that? Hah. Fire is nothing.

I wonder if I can get the other elementals to teach me their signs, too? I could master all four, and call for them at will…

After I heal, anyhow.

Would that I have dove too deep.

I began by sifting through answers, and they lead to more questions. Many, many more questions. I needed additional information. I needed to protect us from the soul-sucking mages, and to do this, I needed to know more. I dipped a toe into the reflection.

( Black Knowledge )

On my way back to the lake, Neryarta came to me to bug me again about how he’s a worry wart, and how he thinks I’m broken or something. Except he stopped, and drew up to two legs, like he smelled something. He then freaked out - he told me I smelled rotten to him. I had soul rot and need to go find someone to help me, now. Urgently. I know he’s right, that everything points to I have let myself be defiled. I told him I’d work on it, and he didn’t believe me. I told him I’d try to Maqi myself clean first, and this just got him angrier. The bastard followed me all the way back to the lake. Luckily he can’t get through the gauntlet, or he’d just start bugging me here, too.

There’s not enough wood for the Maqi, and I’m feeling tired and sick. Maybe I’ll do it another day.