Cleaning up small messes
Saturday, 22 March 2014 23:00![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
littlesilvertipSitting around, talking about feelings with the woman I’m leaving. I didn’t frenzy, at least. The drugs helped.
I slept there; I didn’t have any nephandic night terrors. Just plain old nightmares about flux. When did that become a good thing? I checked around, too, and found I had some new messages. Apparently there’s a new kin in the city; I arranged to meet with her tomorrow.
We headed out in the morning to buy some stuff for me to wear that aren’t random castoffs from other people. Maybe it was her way of coming to terms with how things are. I don’t know. I took the opportunity to get some more fabric (we’re going to need it) and some good paper. I got a ride to the woods and we parted. I wonder if she’s going to make it back home. I can tell she’s a wreck inside. Nova never was good at keeping her feelings hidden.
I went to the caern to meditate, and recover my spirits some. While I was watching the fire, Upside-Down came by; it reminded me what the future reader said about looking for a woman in a position of authority. I asked her a bit, and she didn’t seem to know anything that might be able to help me. She suggested I meet with her totem (apparently there’s a swan pack), but I’m not excited about the idea. I don’t think spirits can help very much when it comes to animal people issues. She started talking to her packmates over their shared bond, and I let the conversation drop.
I started thinking about Nova, running through what she was probably doing. I didn’t like any of the thoughts. She stayed around for over a year, hoping I’d come back. I come back, and we have to stop being together like that. It probably is eating her from the inside like it does me. Or worse. Someone needs to talk to her, I decided, but it can’t be me because she’ll just bottle it up agian. And there isn’t a lot of good options.
A bit later, Black-Light came by. Scared the crap out of me. Again, he said there was something wrong with me, and suggested that there are rites for helping with these things. I told him he sounded like Neryarta with how much he repeats himself, which lead me to explaining tuunrat, and him asking about how spirits of ideas are formed. He seemed to wonder if there are luck or fate spirits, probably because he thinks they are effecting him. I taught him a bit about them; he didn’t seem to like fate spirits. I don’t think they really care what they feel.
After that, Song-Of-Vengeance arrived, and things got tense. It went away pretty fast when she started apologizing for insulting me and my sister. I made sure she apologized to Jacinta, and then asked if she was offering contrition. I asked her to teach Caq some stuff, to make sure she’s still learning things. After she showed throat, and I accepted, I took a chance, and asked her if she’d look in after Nova. None of my tribe would be helpful - the only other woman we have is a metis. And Wendigo… I would not send any of the cliath to talk to her. All of them are crass, or warriors. The Furies understand women, but among the Furies, only her and Shrouded Arrow could be trusted, and Shrouded Arrow is a guardian.
I offered payment, but she didn’t seem interested in accepting payment. I asked her just to see how Nova was, and give her someone to talk to, if she wanted. They don’t know each-other, so they probably won’t, but I don’t have good options. We were settling the details about this when Savages-Enemy and my cousin arrived. I could see right away my cousin was angry with me still. I made sure Song-of-Vengeance met my cousin properly, and knew she as the one I wanted taught, before Song of Vengeance left. Savages-Enemy made some point mentioning he was taught by a Wendigo. Touch Deer? My cousin wasn’t impressed (neither was I); he left after that.
As soon as it was just us, my cousin started tearing into me with words. She as angry, and thought I didn’t want to pack with her. It took a moment to remember all the foul things I said to her. She started crying a bit, and I tried to be apologetic. I had to tell her what had happened, because there was no avoiding it - I told her about the taint, the immolation, hiding from being cleansed. I didn’t tell her how I got tainted, though. Some secrets I can’t share. Well, not with her. I need to tell someone, though… Someone who isn’t far off, in the tribe’s homeland.
She was too accepting that I had been tainted. She apologized for not realizing something was amiss, but I was the one who needed to apologize for being spiritually weak. I tried to let her know this, but she didn’t understand it. She’s young, still. Maybe she’ll get it later.
When I got back to the lake with the stuff, I tried on some of the new things again, and dedicated a few of the things that fit better, and don’t look like they’ll fall apart. Might as well look nice for the new kin tomorrow, right? I meant to get chores done, or do some sewing, or start using that paper, but the last two days caught up on me fast, and I think I’m just going to maqi and then sleep outside.
I slept there; I didn’t have any nephandic night terrors. Just plain old nightmares about flux. When did that become a good thing? I checked around, too, and found I had some new messages. Apparently there’s a new kin in the city; I arranged to meet with her tomorrow.
We headed out in the morning to buy some stuff for me to wear that aren’t random castoffs from other people. Maybe it was her way of coming to terms with how things are. I don’t know. I took the opportunity to get some more fabric (we’re going to need it) and some good paper. I got a ride to the woods and we parted. I wonder if she’s going to make it back home. I can tell she’s a wreck inside. Nova never was good at keeping her feelings hidden.
I went to the caern to meditate, and recover my spirits some. While I was watching the fire, Upside-Down came by; it reminded me what the future reader said about looking for a woman in a position of authority. I asked her a bit, and she didn’t seem to know anything that might be able to help me. She suggested I meet with her totem (apparently there’s a swan pack), but I’m not excited about the idea. I don’t think spirits can help very much when it comes to animal people issues. She started talking to her packmates over their shared bond, and I let the conversation drop.
I started thinking about Nova, running through what she was probably doing. I didn’t like any of the thoughts. She stayed around for over a year, hoping I’d come back. I come back, and we have to stop being together like that. It probably is eating her from the inside like it does me. Or worse. Someone needs to talk to her, I decided, but it can’t be me because she’ll just bottle it up agian. And there isn’t a lot of good options.
A bit later, Black-Light came by. Scared the crap out of me. Again, he said there was something wrong with me, and suggested that there are rites for helping with these things. I told him he sounded like Neryarta with how much he repeats himself, which lead me to explaining tuunrat, and him asking about how spirits of ideas are formed. He seemed to wonder if there are luck or fate spirits, probably because he thinks they are effecting him. I taught him a bit about them; he didn’t seem to like fate spirits. I don’t think they really care what they feel.
After that, Song-Of-Vengeance arrived, and things got tense. It went away pretty fast when she started apologizing for insulting me and my sister. I made sure she apologized to Jacinta, and then asked if she was offering contrition. I asked her to teach Caq some stuff, to make sure she’s still learning things. After she showed throat, and I accepted, I took a chance, and asked her if she’d look in after Nova. None of my tribe would be helpful - the only other woman we have is a metis. And Wendigo… I would not send any of the cliath to talk to her. All of them are crass, or warriors. The Furies understand women, but among the Furies, only her and Shrouded Arrow could be trusted, and Shrouded Arrow is a guardian.
I offered payment, but she didn’t seem interested in accepting payment. I asked her just to see how Nova was, and give her someone to talk to, if she wanted. They don’t know each-other, so they probably won’t, but I don’t have good options. We were settling the details about this when Savages-Enemy and my cousin arrived. I could see right away my cousin was angry with me still. I made sure Song-of-Vengeance met my cousin properly, and knew she as the one I wanted taught, before Song of Vengeance left. Savages-Enemy made some point mentioning he was taught by a Wendigo. Touch Deer? My cousin wasn’t impressed (neither was I); he left after that.
As soon as it was just us, my cousin started tearing into me with words. She as angry, and thought I didn’t want to pack with her. It took a moment to remember all the foul things I said to her. She started crying a bit, and I tried to be apologetic. I had to tell her what had happened, because there was no avoiding it - I told her about the taint, the immolation, hiding from being cleansed. I didn’t tell her how I got tainted, though. Some secrets I can’t share. Well, not with her. I need to tell someone, though… Someone who isn’t far off, in the tribe’s homeland.
She was too accepting that I had been tainted. She apologized for not realizing something was amiss, but I was the one who needed to apologize for being spiritually weak. I tried to let her know this, but she didn’t understand it. She’s young, still. Maybe she’ll get it later.
When I got back to the lake with the stuff, I tried on some of the new things again, and dedicated a few of the things that fit better, and don’t look like they’ll fall apart. Might as well look nice for the new kin tomorrow, right? I meant to get chores done, or do some sewing, or start using that paper, but the last two days caught up on me fast, and I think I’m just going to maqi and then sleep outside.
